T.J. Simers made his debut for the Orange County Register at a familiar spot: Page 2.

He writes:

To everyone else, and keep this in mind when you get ready to complain to Register management, I’m on Page 2.

How hard is it to turn from Page 1 to 3 without looking? And I’ve got a problem?

I’m 63, and the Orange County Register still hired me. It’s probably the first time Human Resources has done paperwork on a new employee while also preparing retirement documents.

Then there’s this:

A few years back the Times directed its columnists to tone down criticism of McCourt, the publisher’s pal. They asked me to tone down criticism of Moreno recently; I guess it didn’t look good with all the advertising the Angels were doing on the Times’ website. I have no idea who influences news coverage in the rest of the paper.

But you can imagine my delight when I heard Ashton Kutcher bought the Register and was hiring. No way Steve Jobs buckles to pressure.

I haven’t felt this kind of excitement since asking a curvy blonde to dance decades ago. Who hires almost 200 employees these days to make a newspaper better?

Way to go, Ashton.

“Aaron,” I was told. “Aaron Kushner owns the Register.”

Boy, did I get punk’d.